Ephesians 5:18-24 offers a blueprint for the roles of husbands and wives within the sanctity of marriage. As a young boy, visits to my Grandma and Grandpa’s house were foundational experiences that shaped my understanding of marital roles. These weekends gave me a living representation of what it means to embody the gospel in marriage. My grandparents’ relationship was a testament to the biblical ideal of a husband and wife supporting and loving each other. The quiet strength of my grandfather, who worked tirelessly as a farmer, imitated his spiritual leadership at home. He was not just a provider; he was a protector, a humble leader who led his family to church every Sunday without fail. His actions were not just out of obligation but stemmed from a deep love for Christ which he instilled in everyone around him.
My grandmother’s role was equally pivotal. She was not just fulfilling a duty; she was an equal participant, offering support, submission, and humility. Her submission was not of oppression but of strength and mutual respect, reflecting the deep biblical truth that submission and support are the foundation of a loving, gospel-centered marriage. These vivid memories remind me that a Christian marriage should be rooted in mutual love and respect. Husbands should love sacrificially like Jesus and wives should support respectfully. When these roles are lived out, it enhances the spiritual growth and unity of the family. This is the legacy that my grandparents left me — a legacy of love, dedication, and a deep, abiding respect for each other and for God’s design for marriage.
As we dive deeper into Ephesians 5, it is essential to remember that the words spoken here are a living, breathing guide that can lead us to a more fulfilling, God-centered marriage. The scriptures call us not only to reflect on the roles within a marriage but to act on them, to live them out daily with love, respect, and an unwavering commitment to each other and to God. These instructions can transform our lives and marriages, bringing us closer to the heart of what it means to be a partner in a truly Christian marriage.
1. Wives, Be Spirit-Filled and Servant-Hearted
A godly wife must have a heart surrendered to the Holy Spirit. Just as for any believer, the spiritual life of a wife is not self-driven but Spirit-led. This truth is vividly explained in Ephesians 5:18, where Paul implores every believer to be filled with the Spirit before addressing marital roles specifically. This lays the groundwork for a life that is not just lived but lived abundantly under God’s divine purpose. This command to be filled with the Spirit is a foundational necessity for life as a Christian. It emphasizes the impossibility of fulfilling our God-given roles through human effort. For wives, this means embracing a life where daily actions and decisions are influenced by the Spirit’s power, not by personal strength or societal expectations.
Being spirit-filled translates into a life where words and actions align with God’s desires. Paul describes this transformation beautifully: our speech becomes seasoned with grace, echoing Psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs. This shift is not about singing literal songs daily but about letting the essence of God’s word so richly dwell within us that our conversations resonate with His love and wisdom. Being filled with the Spirit also fosters an attitude of gratitude in all circumstances. This gratitude is not superficial but a deep-seated acknowledgment of God’s sovereignty and goodness, regardless of our external conditions. It is about seeing God’s hand in every aspect of life and responding with thankfulness.
But perhaps the most significant aspect of a Spirit-filled life for a wife is the embodiment of servant-hearted submission. This is not adhering to outdated cultural norms or accepting a diminished role within the marriage. Instead, it is about mutual submission out of reverence for Christ, as stated in Ephesians 5:21. This type of submission reflects Jesus’ own heart — a willingness to put others before oneself, to value others’ needs as highly as one’s own. For a wife, this servant-heartedness means actively seeking ways to support and uplift her husband, not out of obligation but out of a genuine desire to see him grow in Christ. It is fostering an environment where both spouses can flourish spiritually, emotionally, and relationally. The goal is not to diminish her worth but to reflect the sacrificial love of Christ within the marital relationship.
Being spirit-filled and servant-hearted embodies the characteristics of Christ. It involves a daily surrender to the Holy Spirit, allowing His power to transform us from the inside out. This enables you to live out your role as wives with grace, strength, and wisdom. It is a call to live under the liberating power of the Spirit, where true freedom and fulfillment are found. As wives, embrace this high calling with the courage and conviction that comes from being rooted and grounded in Christ.
2. Wives, Submit to Christ Through Your Husband’s Leadership
The concept of submission within marriage, as outlined in Ephesians 5:22, can stir a spectrum of emotions due to cultural misconceptions and abuses. However, true biblical submission is not about subjugation or oppression; it is about mutual respect within the covenant of marriage. It’s crucial to recognize that submission to one’s husband is fundamentally an act of submitting to Christ through the marital relationship.
Paul’s appeal for wives to submit “as to the Lord” underscores that this submission is not blind obedience to a husband’s every whim but a thoughtful alignment with a husband who is himself submitted to Christ. This kind of submission does not diminish a woman’s worth or silence her voice. Instead, it is an empowering and strategic alignment under her husband’s loving and Christ-centered leadership. It is about supporting and participating in a shared mission, not about relinquishing thought or personality.
The husband’s role as outlined in Ephesians 5:23 is to lead in a manner like Christ’s leadership of the church — sacrificial and centered on the well-being of his wife. True leadership involves service; it does not demand subservience but inspires it through love, integrity, and example. When a husband leads with Christ’s love, his leadership invites trust and respect, not fear or resentment. Wives are called to respect and support their husbands, recognizing them as the head of the home as Christ is the head of the church. This leadership is not a license for tyranny but a responsibility to guide the family spiritually and emotionally. A godly husband does not exploit his role for personal benefit but sees his leadership as a solemn duty to shepherd his family toward deeper faith and love in Christ.
Submission is often tested in day-to-day interactions and decisions. It requires a wife to trust her husband, even in times when disagreements arise. The challenge is to engage respectfully and lovingly, contributing wisdom and insight, and yet allowing the husband to lead. This dynamic does not stifle a woman’s strength but channels it into building a Christ-centered partnership. Just as a husband is called to love sacrificially, a wife’s submission is a powerful testimony to the gospel. It speaks volumes about trust, sacrifice, and commitment to God’s design. When a wife submits to her husband, as unto the Lord, with joy and not out of obligation, it paints a beautiful picture of the Gospel’s transforming power.
Submission within marriage reflects the relationship between Christ and the church — a relationship based on love, sacrifice, and mutual support. It is about helping each other grow in faith and embodying the love of Christ in the way we relate to one another. As wives submit to their husbands through the empowerment of the Holy Spirit, and as husbands love their wives as Christ loved the church, both are drawn closer to God and each other, fulfilling God’s glorious design for marriage.
