Our series on the Biblical blueprint for the family continues as we study Ephesians 6:1-4. This builds on the foundation of godly marriages and the roles of husbands and wives. However, we will shift our focus to the role of children within the family. The Bible is clear that children are profound blessings entrusted to families. Psalm 127 frames children as arrows in the hands of a warrior — symbols of legacy and influence, meant to fly straight and true into the future God has ordained for them. This perspective is crucial because it shows that children have inherent value and purpose. Whether by birth or adoption, each child is purposed to bring glory to God’s name and to continue His work across generations. It’s a reminder that children, like arrows, are most effective when crafted, cared for, and ultimately released with precision and intention.
As we dive into this topic, it is essential to remember that this message speaks to all of us. We are all someone’s child, and fundamentally, we are children of God. How we honor and obey our earthly parents and our Heavenly Father has profound implications for our family relationships and our spiritual maturity. So, whether you are a child, parent, or grandparent, this message from Ephesians 6 is for you. It is a call to embrace the God-given role of children within the Gospel family, to nurture and guide them as they grow into the individuals God has designed them to be. And for children, it is an invitation to live out the commands that promise to enrich their lives and ensure their wellbeing: obey and honor your parents.
1. Through the Spirit’s Power… Children, Obey
Obedience might seem like a straightforward command from Ephesians 6, where children are simply told to obey their parents. However, as anyone who has raised children can attest, earning consistent obedience is anything but simple. True obedience — deep, heartfelt, consistent obedience — is profoundly spiritual. It requires more than just external compliance to a set of rules; it demands an internal transformation that aligns a child’s will with that of their parents, mirroring the greater alignment with God’s will. For Christian families, this alignment is not about authoritarian enforcement but about nurturing Spirit-led obedience.
Even before a child comes to a personal faith in Christ, the expectation of obedience serves a dual purpose: it maintains order and introduces the child to the concept of authority. Through parental guidance, children learn the basics of obedience to God. This is foundational for understanding and accepting the gospel later in life. It is important to recognize that while the Holy Spirit is pivotal for nurturing obedience in children who have accepted Christ, His influence is also necessary for all children under the guidance of Christian parents. The Holy Spirit equips parents with wisdom, patience, and insight, enabling them to model and teach obedience effectively. Parents must present the gospel not only through words but through the loving and consistent enforcement of boundaries.
The transformative power of the Holy Spirit in the lives of children often becomes evident as they mature. Many adults can reflect on their childhood and recognize that moments of obedience to parental authority were not just about following orders but about learning respect, honor, and love. These moments teach children that submission is not a burden but a blessing. This perspective on obedience is crucial because it frames it as a beneficial, rewarding experience rather than a disciplinary measure. This understanding is only possible through the daily influence of the Holy Spirit, who empowers both children and parents to fulfill their God-given roles within the family.
4 C’s of Influence
Obedience for children, as vital as it is, often seems a straightforward expectation but can be difficult in practice. Ephesians 6 urges children to obey their parents as part of a holy blueprint for family dynamics. Yet, how does one cultivate an environment of obedience that resonates with both the Spirit and Scripture? The “4 C’s of Influence,” is a model that outlines the stages of influence in a child’s life.
1. Commander: In early childhood, parents act predominantly as commanders. The child, with limited understanding, follows what might be termed ‘blind obedience.’ At this stage, parents provide direct instructions, laying down the basic framework of obedience without expecting much negotiation.
2. Coach: As the child grows and begins to grasp the world better, the parental role shifts towards that of a coach. Here, obedience is still expected, but it comes with increased communication. Children start to understand why they are asked to do things and are encouraged to internalize the values behind actions rather than merely following orders.
3. Counselor: Entering teenage years and early adulthood, the dynamic evolves again. Parents become counselors, offering guidance and advice rather than commands. Obedience still plays a role, but it is more about respecting and considering parental advice seriously.
4. Consultant: Finally, as children become fully independent adults, and may have families of their own, parents transition to consultants. In this stage, the emphasis is on mutual respect and advice. Parents provide wisdom when sought and children consider it within their broader decision-making processes.
3 Phases of Obedience
Understanding the phases of obedience is also crucial in fostering an environment where children learn to respect and heed their parents’ guidance effectively.
1. Hearing: Obedience begins with hearing. It is essential for children to genuinely listen to what is being said. This means parents need to ensure they have their child’s attention — no headphones, no screens, just a clear line of communication.
2. Understanding: Hearing is only effective if followed by understanding. It is important for children to grasp what is expected of them. This might include asking clarifying questions to ensure they understand the task at hand.
2.5. Wise Appeal: An intermediate phase, often relevant as children mature, involves making a wise appeal. This is where children, upon understanding a request, are allowed to respectfully discuss or negotiate timings or methods with their parents. Such discussions should be constructive and are subject to parents’ final decisions.
3. Action: The final phase is the execution of the task. Understanding without action does not constitute obedience. Children should be encouraged to follow through with actions that reflect their understanding and respect for their parents’ instructions.
These structured phases and roles highlight a fundamental truth: obedience in a child’s life, from infancy through adulthood, is not static. It evolves, mirroring their cognitive and emotional growth. For parents, transitioning through these roles effectively ensures that obedience is taught not as a means of control but as a form of mutual respect and understanding, all build on the transformative work of the Holy Spirit.
In Colossians 3:20, Paul commands children to obey their parents “in everything.” At first, this can seem daunting or even overwhelming for both children and parents. This command, however, is not without its boundaries and wisdom. It is crucial to understand that while the Scripture calls for comprehensive obedience, it does not support blindly obeying commands that contradict God’s moral laws. This distinction is vital in fostering an environment where obedience is built on understanding and trust rather than fear or coercion.
Obedience “in everything” does not mean submitting to orders that lead to sin. For instance, tasks like mowing the lawn or cleaning one’s room, though they might conflict with personal desires or plans, are normal household responsibilities and do not violate any moral or ethical standards. On the other hand, if a command involves deceit, harm to others, or any form of illegal activity, it steps outside the bounds of godly obedience.
Paul’s command to obey “in the Lord” suggests that all obedience should ultimately align with a higher divine purpose, reflecting Jesus’ own life as the perfect model of submission. Jesus, in His role as both Savior and Son, exemplified this during His earthly life, particularly at Gethsemane. Here, despite His deep distress — and His initial human desire to avoid suffering — He chose to submit to His Father’s will, demonstrating profound obedience and trust.
Jesus’ life offers a powerful lesson for children: obedience often involves personal sacrifice and discomfort, yet it is fundamental to spiritual growth. By obeying their earthly parents, children not only fulfill a key biblical command but also cultivate characteristics like humility, trust, and resilience. The qualities mirror the life of Christ.
2. Children, Honor Your Parents
Obedience is the foundation upon which children build their early relationships with their parents. But as children grow and mature, this obedience evolves into a deeper, more profound duty: to honor their parents. This duty extends throughout a person’s life, surpassing childhood and persisting even after parents are gone. The Biblical command to honor one’s parents echoes the Ten Commandments in Exodus and Deuteronomy. The concept of honor in the Bible carries significant weight — it suggests treating someone with high regard and deep respect. The Hebrew word for honor implies heaviness or gravity, reflecting the substantial nature of this command. To honor someone is to acknowledge their significant impact on your life and to treat them with the reverence such an impact warrants.
As children transition into adulthood, how they honor their parents also changes. While obedience is the primary form of honor within the home during childhood, adult children honor their parents by upholding their dignity and speaking well of them, both in private and public settings. This respect should not be conditional on the parents’ perfection; rather, it is a recognition of their fundamental role as life-givers and caretakers, positions appointed by God.
Honoring parents goes beyond mere compliance with their wishes or commands. It involves actively seeking ways to bring them joy and pride through one’s actions and choices. In the family context, this could mean maintaining peace among siblings, which significantly contributes to the harmony of the home. Conflict between siblings can cause considerable stress for parents. By promoting peace among brothers and sisters, children can profoundly honor their parents.
Speaking positively about your parents enhances their reputation and demonstrates respect. This practice not only strengthens family bonds but also sets a powerful example for peers and future generations. Speaking negatively about parents can undermine their authority and diminish their respect within the community, which is considered dishonorable.
Ultimately, honoring one’s parents is a reflection of one’s character and an expression of gratitude for the sacrifices they have made. It is about upholding their honor and dignity throughout their lives and beyond, continually finding ways to express respect and appreciation. This is not just a private duty but a public testimony of their enduring influence and a celebration of the legacy they leave behind.
3. Recieve God’s Promise
In the Christian life, children are not only called to obey and honor their parents but are also given a profound promise from God to do so. This commandment in both Exodus and Deuteronomy, is the only one among the Ten Commandments that comes attached with a clear reward. It highlights the deep connection between honoring one’s parents and receiving God’s favor and protection. The promise of longevity is not a guarantee of immortality or a life free from challenges, but rather a principle that wise and respectful behavior toward one’s parents can lead to a safer, more fruitful existence. For instance, a child who heeds parental guidance to avoid harmful friendships or dangerous behaviors may avoid the life-threatening consequences that those paths often bring.
The promise of a life that “goes well” reflects a broader blessing that can manifest in various forms. Honoring one’s parents often instills a deep respect for authority, which can open doors and create opportunities throughout one’s life. This respect can lead to academic scholarships, career advancements, and stronger community ties. Parents who teach these values not only set their children on a path of personal success but also help foster a society that values respect, discipline, and moral integrity.
This promise serves as a motivational factor for children to maintain a respectful and honoring attitude toward their parents throughout their lives, recognizing their parents’ role as God’s instruments in their upbringing. It is a dynamic relationship; as children honor their parents, they not only align themselves with God’s command but also cultivate a character that is rich in gratitude and respect. However, fulfilling this promise also requires a mutual understanding from parents. The scripture advises parents not to provoke their children to anger but to raise them with love, discipline, and instruction in the Lord. This balanced approach helps children want to honor and obey out of love and respect, not fear or obligation.
