In Matthew 19:3-9, Jesus addresses a topic that stirs discomfort and complexity — divorce. It is a topic few of us approach willingly, yet it remains an integral part of our understanding of what a Gospel-centered family entails. Approaching this subject, I want to assure you that my intention is not to cast a shadow of guilt or shame over anyone who has experienced the pains of divorce. Like each of us, I am far from perfect, equally in need of the grace and mercy generously given by Christ to all. Just as Christ met the woman at the well with compassion rather than condemnation — despite her tangled marital history — I aim to tread gently, offering grace and guidance rather than judgment.
This discussion is not about dredging up past pains or pointing fingers. It is about understanding God’s original blueprint for marriage, as presented in the scriptures, and confronting the reality that divorce, while a part of many lives, deviates from His divine plan. By looking at Matthew 19, we will get insights into maintaining the sanctity of marriage and, ideally, preventing the heartaches associated with divorce.
Acknowledging the deep and often lasting pain divorce can bring, this message seeks to equip those in marriages today with tools to strengthen their relationships against such outcomes. It is about learning from Christ’s conversations and teachings to elevate our view of marriage to the covenantal partnership it was designed to be. As we dive into the teachings of Jesus on this matter, you must remember that divorce is not beyond the reach of Christ’s redemptive power. The gospel is for all, covering all sins and offering new beginnings.
Divorce is Not God’s Intended Plan for Marriage
In Matthew 19, the Pharisees question Jesus about the legality of divorce and He responds that divorce was never part of God’s original design for marriage. The Pharisees, known for their legalistic views, presented a question intended to entrap Jesus. During their time, opinions were divided when it came to divorce. The teachings of Rabbis like Hillel, allowed divorce for trivial reasons, however, Shammai only endorsed it for severe transgressions.
Jesus anchors His response in the creation narrative, not a human rabbi, emphasizing the sanctity and permanence of marriage. He quotes Genesis 2:24, highlighting the divine intention for a man and woman to unite so profoundly that they become ‘one flesh.’ This unity is not to be separated by human intervention, as Jesus pointedly remarks, “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” This stance was a call to recognize marriage as a covenant reflecting the steadfast love and commitment of God Himself. Jesus further clarifies that while Moses permitted divorce, it was a concession to human weakness, not a command. It was allowed “because of the hardness of your hearts” but was not part of the divine plan from the beginning.
The gravity of Jesus’ teaching is clear. Divorce, according to divine standards, is a deviation from the intended permanence of marriage. This permanence is meant to mirror the unbreakable bond of fidelity that God maintains with His people — a covenant not based on convenience but on committed, sacrificial love. However, Jesus acknowledges that divorce does occur and stipulates that sexual immorality is a situation where divorce becomes permissible. This conclusion does not endorse divorce but rather recognizes the reality of human sin that can severely damage the marital bond. The Apostle Paul expands on this in 1 Corinthians 7, where he discusses the scenario of abandonment.
These verses should lead us to respond to divorce with a compassionate yet truthful approach. The church’s role is not to condemn but to help couples navigate their struggles through the transformative power of the gospel, which can heal and restore even the most broken relationships. Jesus’ interaction with the Pharisees and His teachings on marriage invites us to view every marital challenge through the lens of redemption and reconciliation, aiming for restoration where possible
Through these teachings, Jesus does not just set a high standard; He also offers hope. Hope that despite the brokenness that can infiltrate marriage, there is always a possibility for forgiveness, healing, and renewal through Christ’s reconciling work on the cross. As we delve deeper into how we can protect and nurture our marriages, let us hold firmly to the truth that God’s plan for marriage is a reflection of His everlasting covenant with us — unwavering, forgiving, and wholly committed.
How Not to Get Divorced
Divorce is not a sudden implosion but often the end result of ongoing issues that could have been addressed with thoughtful intervention and genuine effort. The best way to prevent divorce is to nurture the marriage proactively. Here are several practical steps based on biblical principles that can help safeguard your marriage against potential pitfalls.
1. Keep Christ at the Center of Your Marriage
Ensuring Christ remains at the core of your marriage is pivotal. This dictates the health and stability of your relationship. When God holds the primary place in your life, everything else falls into its rightful place, preventing disorder that often leads to divorce. Your spouse should confidently hold the second priority, directly under God. This setup helps maintain the correct balance, preventing any idolization of your partner, which can skew the relationship’s dynamics. Setting aside time to pray and read Scripture together significantly strengthens your bond — studies show that couples who pray together are less likely to divorce.
2. Be Faithful to Your Spouse as God is Faithful to You
Faithfulness is a cornerstone of a strong marriage. Just as God remains steadfast despite our flaws, you must show unwavering fidelity to your spouse. This commitment encompasses emotional loyalty and intellectual integrity. Establish clear boundaries with others and within your own behaviors. Avoid situations or media that might foster inappropriate thoughts or actions. Remember, fidelity in marriage mirrors God’s loyalty to us, making it sacred.
3. Engage in Sexual Activity on a Regular Basis
A healthy and active sexual life is crucial in preventing divorce. It strengthens the physical and emotional connection between spouses, acting as a vital expression of love and commitment. Regular intimacy helps keep the relationship vibrant and can mitigate the drifts that often lead to marital dissatisfaction. Refer back to my sermon on shttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F8k7WDNWfNUexuality to keep this area of your marriage fulfilling and respectful.
4. Communicate!
Open and honest communication is crucial for any relationship. It is essential for addressing grievances, expressing needs, and sharing joys. Effective communication helps prevent misunderstandings and builds a foundation for deeper intimacy. Discuss important topics like finances, child-rearing, and personal aspirations to ensure you are both aligned and supportive of each other’s goals. Remember, it is not just about talking; it is about listening and understanding your partner’s perspective.
5. Make Your Spouse a Priority
Reflect on whether the time you spend and the energy you invest in your relationship truly mirror the priority your spouse holds in your life. If work, hobbies, or even children overshadow your commitment to your partner, it is time to recalibrate. Regular date nights, shared interests, and simply spending quality time together can reinforce the importance of your relationship. Prioritizing your spouse demonstrates your commitment to the marriage and helps maintain the bond you share.
By adhering to these principles, couples can fortify their marriages against the challenges that often lead to divorce. Keeping Christ at the center, ensuring fidelity, maintaining intimacy, communicating effectively, and prioritizing one another are not just strategies but are also reflections of a deep, abiding love that mirrors Christ’s love for the church.
