In today’s culture, manhood is often distorted, and understanding God’s design for husbands is crucial. From sitcom stereotypes to negative portrayals in music, husbands are frequently depicted in ways that undermine their true biblical role. But what does the Bible really say about being a husband? Ephesians 5 is a passage that lays out a gospel-centered blueprint for husbands. This scripture teaches us that true manhood is not represented by dominance or toxicity but through the embodying Christ-like qualities: selflessness, strength, humility, and courage.
The biblical view of a husband is a far cry from the flawed depictions we see in media. Instead, it presents a picture of a man who, like Christ, is strong enough to create universes yet gentle enough to care for the lowly; fearless in the face of adversity yet compassionate enough to protect the defenseless. This is the model of manhood that every Christian husband is called to imitate.
As we explore this blueprint, it’s not just an opportunity for men to reflect and aspire towards these virtues but also a chance for women to understand and support the men in their lives in living out this calling. Whether you are a wife, sister, or friend, your encouragement can have a transformative impact on the men around you. For single men, this is a call to start embodying these qualities now, not to wait until marriage to begin the journey of godly manhood. The kind of man you are today sets the foundation for the husband you will become.
5 Biblical Qualities of a Godly Husband
Let’s unpack Ephesians 5 to better understand what it means to be a godly husband and strive to live out this high calling in our daily lives.
1. Spirit Filled
Being a godly husband begins with being filled with the Spirit. This is highlighted in Ephesians 5:18, where Paul instructs not to be drunk with wine, which leads to debauchery, but instead, be filled with the Spirit. The role of the Spirit in a husband’s life is the critical enabler that empowers him to fulfill his God-given role within marriage. A spirit-filled husband finds that his speech is seasoned with grace (Ephesians 5:19-20) and his life is marked by a profound thankfulness. This is a deep-seated change that influences how he interacts not only with his wife but with all around him.
A husband who attempts to fulfill his role through his own strength simply will not succeed. A Spirit-filled husband acknowledges that he needs divine assistance to meet the high calling of godly husbandhood. For a man to thrive as a husband, it is essential that he continually seeks to be filled with the Spirit. Regular prayer, immersion in Scripture, and a heartfelt dependence on God can cultivate the fruits of the Spirit within him. It is these fruits — love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control — that will define his role as a husband and radically impact his marriage.
The journey of a Spirit-filled life is ongoing. It is not marked by a singular spiritual experience but by a daily, deliberate choice to live under God’s influence and direction. As husbands, the call is to perpetually seek the Spirit’s filling, to ensure that their lives and marriages reflect the character of Christ, showing the world a picture of divine love played out in human relationships.
2. Loves Sacrificially
Central to the calling of a godly husband is the ability to love sacrificially. Ephesians 5:25 serves as a profound command and benchmark for this love: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” This scripture not only defines the depth of love expected but sets a daunting standard — one that Christ Himself embodied through His ultimate sacrifice on the cross. The sacrificial love of Christ for the church involves more than just enduring hardship; it embraces it willingly for the sake of love. Let’s reflect on the gravity of Christ’s actions — His willingness to face scourging, crucifixion, and death. This profound love willingly embraces suffering to benefit another. This is the paradigm for husbands in how they should love their wives — not out of obligation, but driven by genuine, self-giving love.
For many men, marriage reveals just how deep our wells of selfishness run. A friend once confessed how marriage exposed his own selfish tendencies, expecting his wife to conform to his desires, effectively building the ‘kingdom of self.’ This is a common experience among husbands who begin to understand the true nature of self-sacrifice within the bounds of marriage.
The culture today often elevates individualism — promoting a life centered around personal fulfillment without constraints. This worldview is antithetical to the gospel’s teaching on love and marriage. The love described in Ephesians is countercultural, challenging husbands to love not for what they can receive, but for what they can give, mirroring the way Christ loved the church without condition or reservation.
A husband’s love must be transformative, influencing his actions and motivations. It should compel him to serve his wife selflessly, to initiate reconciliation regardless of fault, and to continually put her needs before his own. This kind of love requires a man to put his pride, lust, and selfish desires to death daily. This resembles Christ’s journey to the cross, where He did not go begrudgingly but embraced His suffering for the joy set before Him. This sacrificial love is not inherent; it is cultivated through the empowerment of the Holy Spirit and a deep, abiding commitment to follow Christ’s example. It challenges each husband to rise above the natural inclination towards selfishness to embrace a life of dedicated, sacrificial love that seeks the best for his wife, as Christ did for the church.
3. Encourages Christ-Likeness
The third quality of a godly husband is his commitment to fostering Christ-likeness within the home (Ephesians 5:26). This role encompasses the spiritual nurturing of his family, guiding them to become more like Christ’s image. While Jesus secures our justification, He also initiates our sanctification — transforming us to reflect His character more each day. In the same vein, a godly husband works not only to lead but to spiritually enrich his wife and children, aiding their growth in grace and godliness.
A husband’s call to promote Christ-likeness in his family is rooted deeply in love. This sacred responsibility means he must shield his family from sin’s allure and never lead them toward anything that contradicts God’s standards. It requires a vigilant dedication to fostering an environment where the Word of God is cherished and followed.
Practical Steps for Fostering Spiritual Growth:
- Prioritize Corporate Worship: A Spirit-filled husband understands the significance of communal worship and the teaching of God’s Word. He leads by example, often being the first ready for church, encouraging his family’s regular attendance, and demonstrating a genuine eagerness to be with the body of believers. His commitment shows that worship is not just routine but a cherished part of family life.
- Make Scripture Central in Daily Life: The Bible should hold a place of utmost importance in a Christian home. A godly husband integrates Scripture into the daily rhythm of family life. This can be through family devotions, Scripture reading at meals, or discussions about God’s Word. The goal is to make the truths of the Bible as familiar and foundational within the household as daily bread.
The influence of a father and husband who regularly engage with Scripture cannot be overstated. Children and spouses who see their father or husband consistently turning to the Bible naturally grasp its value and relevance. This can leave a lasting spiritual legacy, as the reverence for God’s Word is caught as much as it is taught. For instance, witnessing a father study his Bible each night or prepare a Sunday school lesson instills a deep respect and love for Scripture in children. These practices teach that the Bible is not just another book but the living Word of God, essential for life and godliness.
When a husband prioritizes his spiritual growth and leads his family in doing the same, the effects ripple beyond the immediate family. It sets a pattern for generations, influencing how children will one day lead their own families. It also impacts the broader community, as the family lives out the gospel in tangible ways, serving and loving others as Christ did. By encouraging Christ-likeness at home, a godly husband fulfills a pivotal role in God’s redemptive plan, not just for his family but for the world they interact with.
4. Provides and Protects
In Ephesians 5:28, Paul explains that a man must love his wife as he loves his own body, engaging in a selfless, nurturing, and protective manner. This Scripture not only calls for emotional and spiritual support but emphatically underlines the husband’s role as a provider and protector — a role that mirrors Christ’s care for the Church.
Providing is not just about financial stability, though that is a significant part. A godly husband ensures that his family’s needs — physical, emotional, and spiritual — are met. He works diligently from a genuine desire to see his family thrive. His effort to provide is a testament to his commitment and love, aiming to create an environment where his wife and children feel secure and cherished. Protection extends beyond the physical safety of the family. A godly husband’s protective nature permeates all aspects of family life. He safeguards his family from spiritual and emotional harm, guiding them away from toxic influences and towards wholesome, uplifting environments.
The biblical notion that “he who loves his wife loves himself” highlights that a husband’s care for his wife directly reflects his self-regard. There is a profound connection between how a man treats himself and how he treats his wife. In caring for her, he is essentially nurturing himself because their lives are inextricably linked by marriage — two becoming one flesh.
The role of a godly husband is active, not passive. He does not wait to be asked or expect others to lead. His head hits the pillow exhausted each night from his efforts, not from passive fatigue but from a day spent actively loving, protecting, and providing. This exhaustion is a badge of honor — it shows he has poured himself out for the welfare of his family, following Christ’s example of sacrificial love. When men embrace their God-given roles as providers and protectors, they create ripples that can change societal norms and elevate the perception of manhood to align with God’s original and glorious design.
5. Faithful
Faithfulness in marriage encompasses a steadfast commitment to the spiritual, emotional, and physical union between husband and wife. This dedication is a reflection of how Christ is faithful to the Church, as highlighted in Ephesians. For a husband, this means being a reliable partner who stands by his wife through all phases and challenges of life, embodying consistency and dependability in every action and decision.
A godly husband’s faithfulness is demonstrated through his unwavering commitment to his wife. He understands that marriage is not merely a contract or a convenience but a covenant with God. This perspective shifts his approach from merely reacting to circumstances to proactively nurturing his relationship. He values the vows made before God and witnesses, striving daily to honor them, not out of obligation but out of a deep-seated reverence for the sanctity of marriage.
A godly husband communicates openly with his wife, sharing his thoughts, feelings, and challenges. This open line of communication fosters trust and strengthens their bond. He avoids situations that could lead to misunderstandings or temptations, not because he distrusts his own willpower, but because he respects the sanctity of his marital vows and the well-being of his wife. Being faithful also means being emotionally available. A godly husband is present — physically, emotionally, and spiritually. He supports his wife in her endeavors, encourages her in her faith, and walks alongside her in her spiritual journey.
Faithfulness is reflected in the consistency of a husband’s love and actions. He does not fluctuate based on circumstances or emotions. Instead, he remains a steady source of support and love for his wife. His actions are not swayed by external pressures but are guided by his commitment to his marriage and his desire to reflect Christ’s love. A godly husband also understands that his faithfulness serves as a model for the next generation. His children learn about the reliability and security of love from his example. By living out faithfulness in his marriage, he teaches his children the importance of commitment, integrity, and respect in their future relationships.
Faithfulness in a godly husband is not just about steadfastness in avoiding sin; it is about actively pursuing a relationship that mirrors the faithful, unchanging love of Christ for His Church. It is about making a daily decision to live out the covenant of marriage in every word, action, and thought, glorifying God and enriching his marriage.
